| Remarks compiled by my 1997-98 Honors Physics class at Holy Ghost Prep, who lovingly collected and passed on some of my off-the-cuff snipes. I am eternally grateful to Mike Samson, of that class, for recording these and forwarding them to me. I might prefer that he had paid more attention to the course material :) but these are worthwhile, too. |
"Thank you, Mr. Salerno, that was the most completely meaningless statement that I have ever heard in my life." (1997 November)
"I don't want to hear the excuse 'My brains dribble out my ears on Saturday nights'." (1997 December 4)
"Sit, Luongo!" (1997 December 12)
"You evolved from a microbe 4.5 billion years ago ... are you saying that it is superior to you?" (1997 December 5)
"If it were not so sad, it would be funny." (1998 January 5)
"Abysmal fits." (1998 January 5)
"This project, of equal complexity to the atomic bomb, ..." (1998 January 13)
"The uneducated are those who haven't learned. The stupid are those who don't believe." (1998 January 15)
"The sun puts out nine gigatons of energy per second... If you think humankind is important, you're wrong." (1998 January 28)
"Mr. Luongo is apparently receiving the class on taped delay." (1998 January 29)
"This question is designed just how a bear trap is designed ... it lures you in and kills you." (1998 February 9)
"Mr. Laker, you speak in many voices ... how biblical of you." (Upon receiving simultaneous answers from Messrs. Laker and Salerno, after calling on the former. 1998 February 19)
"You would just be sitting there blank, but this is sort of traditional." (1998 February 20)
"Everything that is ugly goes away." "Good-bye, Laker!" (Me followed by Will Salerno, 1998 March 6)
"As you run across the razor-sharp edge of my problems..." (1998 March 13)
"'How do you spell it?' What do you mean? 
--
it's a letter!" (In response to a question about how to "spell" the Greek
letter omega. 1998 March 17)
"Mr. Luongo, is that a badge you wear?" (In reference to a sign -- "Your stupid" -- held up by Mike Luongo, 1998 March 18)
"If you don't understand this, the rest will make less than zero sense." (1998 March 30)
"You forget, I am not a nice person." (1998 April 3)
"Perhaps, one dim neuron will fire, and you will remember." (1998 April 3)
"Lambda: it is the modern word for 'young sheep' plus 'da'." (1998 April 14)
"It is the sign of an unstable mind that cannot separate fantasy from reality." (In reference to the advance of Michael Marchesani upon my person. 1998 April 20)
"In the battle of wits, you have a gun and I have an atomic bomb." (1998 April 20)
"That qualifies as a 'stupid wave'." (1998 April 23)
"I assume you are all familiar with the number 'one', so I will not explain it." (1998 May 4)
"Let him [Mike Samson] think he understands something for one day." (1998 May 7)
"What is a walet squared?" "I know you are used to pictures in your literature, but that is a footnote, Mr. Holdren." (Grant Holdren followed by me, in reference to the notation "wallet2". 1998 May 13)
"When we are equals, can I call you 'Bernie'?" "Mr. Laker, I am not sure if we will ever be equals." (Brian Laker followed by me, in reference to my insistence that I be referred to as "Mr. Gilroy". 1998 May 15.
"If I played [basketball] with you guys, I would prove that I not only damage you mentally but physically as well." (Explaining why I did not participate in the faculty-student basketball game. 1998 June 4)
"I had better thank you before I open it, just in case I am disappointed by what's inside." (Referring to the then-unopened gift of a briefcase from the class. 1998 June 4)
"I hate to think of the families who need to be told not to play with plastic bags." "The plastic bag is not a toy, but the foam covering is!" (Me and Will Salerno, referring to the dire warning printed on the bag wrapped around the briefcase. 1998 June 4)
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Classroom Witticism
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