| In the fine tradition of the earlier compilation of my classroom wit, Mike Orland put together some choice remarks I made during the course of my 2001 AP Physics C Class. |
"It's like pornography: you know it when you see it." (2000 September 13)
"Our relationship is similar to the relationship between the U.S. and Russia during World War II. We don't like or trust each other but we have united to fight a common enemy, ETS and the AP Committee. They are evil." (2000 September 13)
"That's it -- they're coming after me again. I never thought I'd have to leave the country twice." (after a helicopter flew over, 2000 September 15)
"Train a freshman to do this [calculus] or, if you're big enough, just tell them to." (2000 September 15)
"You're reading the textbook.... guys, I'm amazed." (2000 September 18)
"It doesn't looney tune go down; it doesn't stop then fall." (2000 September 25)
"I am getting mean in my old age." (2000 September 25)
"This is the best class at Hun because it is the first class where you need to use all that crap. This class justifies twelve years of math skills. The purpose of math is to let you do Physics." (2000 September 27)
"Let me tell you about Chemistry, Mr. Orland..." (2000 September 27)
[After noting that the AP Committee will label the free body diagram] "I won't. I don't like you that much. [laughter] What, you want me to lie?" (2000 October 2)
"Amazingly, there is more to life than Physics." (2000 October 2)
[Sarah Morrisroe:] "You drove Amy insane. She's now talking to her shirt." (2000 October 6)
"You will be taking the test under actual combat conditions." (2000 October 6)
[Sarah Morrisroe:] "We're not dumb."
[Mr. Gilroy:] "That can be argued with." (2000 October 10)
".... just buy yourself a chemist." (2000 October 11)
"This is the easy one. If you forget this, I'll have to shoot you." (2000 October 27)
"If you're going to keep someone for seventeen years, don't tell him why." [referencing the grad student claw-hammer story] (2000 October 31)
On being a grad student: "Three Oreos is a dinner." (2000 October 31)
On grad school: "The only legalized slavery in the country." (2000 October 31)
[to a student recounting her driving that morning:] "You were speeding past a schoolbus. Why didn't you just hit a nun and call it a day?" (2000 November 1)
[On introducing the Law of Conservation of Momentum] "This will be the nuclear bomb in your toolbox."
[On why people fall back on using the constant-acceleration equations in circumstances where they are woefully inadequate.] "If all you have is a hammer, then everything begins to look like a nail." (2000 November 15)
"You may not want that videotaped; it may be admissable." (2000 November 28)
[Richard Suchenski:] "Just where is Pioneer 7?"
[Mr. Gilroy:] "Right past the Denny's -- how the heck should I answer
that?" (2000 December 7)
"To be a good teacher, you have to really really like kids, or really really hate them... I don't like kids." (2000 December 11)
"Who needs an ego when you have firepower?" (2001 February 1)
"Mike Orland, the world's 7th nuclear power." (2001 February 1)
[To make people feel guilty:] "You can call them cruel and heartless. Obviously, don't try it on me." (2001 February 12)
[Richard Suchenski, asking regarding a crescent-shaped subscript on the variable
representing the Moon's mass]: "What's that?"
[Mr. Gilroy:] "Um, the moon, Richard." (2001 February 23)
"Through the Law of Averages, every once in a while, I do my job, Richard." (2001 March 6)
"We have finally dragged Richard down to the level of a regular student." (2001 April 2)
"Funny, I assigned the homework, so I know what's in it." (2001 April 19)
(Quotables
index) (an explanation
for the image)
(UBIDUBIUM.NET)
Classroom Witticism
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